The Case For Friendlyness
A Seriously Silly Response to “Why Grow Up”
By: Ryan K Rosen
One of the most influential books I’ve read is titled “Why Grow Up” by the contemporary philosopher Susan Neiman. I stumbled across the work at the end of college, and I can still remember being physically struck by how much I resonated with her thesis: our models for mature adulthood kinda suck, so why would anyone aspire to meet them? She laments this miscalculated template of maturity, as she passionately advocates for the normative good in aspiring to be a mature adult so that one can be an active citizen and contributing member to individual and collective flourishing.
The big picture analysis I learned from this book is at the foundation of our Friendly Futures practice. For nearly a decade I reflected deeply - with a super sensitive antennae to tap into the energy resonating at this particular moment - on how to create an innovative, balanced, and implementable 21st century model to better our pursuit of a meaningful, healthy, and good great life. This inquiry culminated in Friendlyness, our seriously silly concept for how we imagine a better version of a more mature world.
So what was wrong with the existing model of mature adulthood? We’ve identified 3 key issues that we believe are hindering the attractiveness of maturity as an ideal, and with it, our ability to individually and collectively thrive. The first issue is physical health. From chronic lower back pain to scary levels of obesity, adults are not physically thriving. And no wonder, we spend most of our time sitting; sitting in the car to get to work, at work, when we get home from work in our leisure time, which, as some fitness experts like to say, is death by 90 degree angles. Who wants to aspire to losing our special ability to be free in our bodies?
Not to mention, our non-active lifestyles negatively impact our mental health too. We need more movement in our model. The second issue is self expression. We currently reserve artistry to a select few individuals, typically “professional” artists, as those lucky enough to express themselves and get lost in the liberty of creativity. But back in the day humans would routinely sing, dance, and conduct other forms of creative expression. We need to invite more creativity into our maturity model. Finally, and most profoundly, the third issue is loneliness. Human connection is at the root of health and well-being, yet we are living in a loneliness epidemic. It’s nothing short of a calamity. We don’t prioritize social bonds and our environments typically reflect this lack of priority; too many people don’t even know their neighbors. Our current model of maturity overlooks physical health, creative expression, and human connection, compromising our individual and collective ability to flourish, and in turn, discouraging many from realizing their potential. These are serious issues. So, we need to tweak the adulthood template to accommodate improvement to these three dimensions.
How to improve the serious mature model? And where to look for inspiration? Childhood! We believe silly little childhood has the missing ingredients for us to leverage to create a better model for serious adulthood. The major issues that adults struggle with aren’t an issue as children. We encourage kids to be constantly moving, to take time out of their day to play sports and games or climb on the playground, and even use movement to self regulate their mood; shout out cartwheels as a behavioral trick to get out of a funk. We set aside time for arts and crafts for kids. They are encouraged to be expressive without fear of qualitative judgment and to use creativity as a medium for education and growth. Finally, we set playdates for our kids, dedicated time for them to connect with each other. All of this delightful activity typically happens in a super joyful, playful, and fun environment. We’ve already developed the conditions for kids to be physically healthy, creatively nourished, and rich in human connection; it’s time we extracted these principles and elevated them for serious, mature adults. Introducing what we now call our core concept of Friendlyness.
To take one step back, I knew I was interested in offering an alternative to the adult model, specifically regarding bringing people together in more active, creative, and playful ways, but what was the best way to approach these objectives? How did we arrive at this joyful art~architecture studio with a cute (silly) name and a badass (serious) mission? Well, I looked backwards towards my childhood! My dad often said that people are products of their environment, so I took that literally and decided we ought to change our physical environments so that they encourage more friendlyness. After college I worked as a photographer, documenting artistic, often irregular or destandarized sports courts and fields, and the people that played there, around the world. While working in India I stumbled upon designing a basketball court out of leftover fruit baskets and a historic gateway/wall, and from there I was hooked. I returned home to get a Masters degree in Architecture, and from the onset I was intrigued by the question of how to get people to connect in healthy, creative, and joyful ways. My first design featured a hotel where people climbed ladders to access their rooms and my thesis was titled the Seriousness of Play. Upon graduating I was planning on moving to Shanghai to work for a “street architecture” office specializing in intergenerational playgrounds. However, a global pandemic interrupted these plans, and instead I took on a project at my family home that synchronized the myriad topics I was passionate about into one physical space: the original Friendly Wall. Once it became a professional endeavor, I partnered with one of my childhood best friends, Ethan, because even though he is a filmmaker, we have a shit ton of experience being silly together. After that, I brought in another partner, a pediatrician named Dr. Yoshi, who happened to be my neighbor growing up. And voila! Here we find ourselves, along with many fantastic teammates and collaborators, imagining and implementing environments for all ages that encourage physical activity, creative expression, and human connection; in other words, a Friendly Future :)
While many thinkers, movements, and experiences shaped our practice, Susan Neiman’s book “Why Grow Up” was pivotal in developing the big picture framework of Friendly Futures. It acknowledged the importance of maturity while giving us permission to explore alternatives to the traditional maturity model. We realized that perhaps the best way forward to promote more well-being is to be a bit more seriously silly!